decisions, decisions

Well, didn't I say that I would be posting more? Well, yeah, not so much huh?

Things have been mostly quiet around here. Mother in law is still here watching the kids during the day. The boys are growing like weeds. We worked through sleep training, so they now (mostly) sleep through the night. They eat solids, real adult food. Both boys are crawling and cruising. I am still working and trying to manage things at home. And in about 5 weeks the boys will be 1 year old! ONE. I cannot believe it......

We are in a weird sort of place now emotionally. I am still working at a job that I have had for the last nearly 5 years. This is usually the type of job that you stay at only about 4 or 5 years. I think I am almost finished with my project. I sincerely hope I am, because the work environment has gotten really cruddy lately.

We are considering a kind of scary proposition. Me finishing up my project and applying for jobs. But if nothing comes up soon, I will be a stay-at-home mom in the interim.

Oh the panic that sets in when I write that....not of taking care of the boys. I can do that. But of me not having a job. I have ALWAYS had a job. Since 16. Even through college. I even picked a profession that paid me a stipend in grad school. My husband has always been the wanderer. The free spirit. He has been the one not tied to any one position. I have always been the steadier one financially. We have always moved to where I was going to school, where I got the job. But now his job is going really well. They are talking a nice promotion (and a decent raise). And I don't know if I will ever get a chance to stay at home with the boys once I start into a "real job." (ie, not working in the lab I do now.) And they are already nearly ONE. And, let's face it, although we have 16 frosties on ice....who knows if I can successfully carry another baby? I have already had 3 major uterine surgeries.....

So, we are facing a big decision. And it is not just the 4 of us. It is MIL too. We help support her financially. So it's not just us to worry about financially. Also, I am not sure if I want two women home during the day. Although that can be quite a help with twins, it can be hard having two "moms" making the decisions. However, I don't want her to think we are kicking her out. She has done a bang up job. But there has been conflict, as you can imagine.

Ugh. I am just rambling. Sorry.

We can definitely float for about 4 months or so w/ our current bills if I don't work....

What to do, what to do...