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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Not the best day

Thanks everyone for you kind words :)

I did eventually hear from the surgeon yesterday...just as I was sitting in the waiting room for the appt. Not the news I wanted to hear: Dr. Surgeon says no way on the twins. Actually, it was said much more professionally, to the tune of : given the mutilayered surgeries that were needed, it not recommended that the patient carry twins. In this unfortunate situation, it would be best to take the extreme measure of fe.tal red.uction.

I'll just let that sink in a moment.



You can imagine how upsetting that was for me. Tears were streaming down my face and the poor OB that I met for the 1st time yesterday met me and immediately asked me what was wrong. When I told her about the news, she seemed very positive that all would be OK. She kept telling me that with proper attention everything would be fine. Sorry, I don't jump so quickly on that train any longer.

She did have an hour and a half consultation with me. I'm sure she missed her lunch. I know I missed mine, and I paid for it dearly. At least there wasn't anything to come back up.

She also set me up with a maternal fetal specialist at the hospital that we did our IVF procedure. The specialist wants to wait until the end of January for an ultrasound, and then my hubby and I will have a consultation.

I left work early yesterday and called in sick today. I spent all last night either in long conversations with my husband, or crying. I tossed and turned all night. And if you wondered if that helped morning sickness, the answer is no. I barfed in the middle of the night and have barely kept my food down today.

I haven't cried today, although I am a little teary-eyed now.

I cannot even tell you all the things that are going around in my head: from "why wasn't this info in our medical records so that we would only transfer one embryo" to " why did I convince my husband to transfer two" to "what happens if I have to make a choice that I swore I would never make" to " what will happen to my job and our second source of income if I am incompacitated for many months......"

I am a spiritual person; I want to give this to G0d. Really, I do. But my poor, poor mind cannot help but jump from one possibility to another......

20 comments:

Mermaid said...

I'm so sorry you are facing this. I'm just so very sorry, there are no other words. ((HUGS))

DeAnna said...

My heart is breaking for you and your husband. I could never imagine having to make that decision after all you've already had to endure...Can you get a second opinion? I'm praying that the docs' change their mind after your ultrasound.

Peeveme said...

I can understand you turmoil. I'm so sorry that you are in the situation and can only imagine how crushed, mad, sad and anxious you must be feeling.

t this point it's of no use to beat yourself up over past decisions. What's done is done and we need to deal with the situation as it is. Having said that, it's still a bit early to make such decisions and there are so many variables you will have to consider and sort through. After the initial shock wears off you will be able to take in all the information and start to set some priorities.

For me the top priority is health/safety. Then fiscal stability. Third are my feelings/religion. But that's just me. Some people operate more out of feelings and then try to optimize the other considerations.

I thin once you get a sense of your priorities and get some solid information from you many Drs. the decision will make themselves.

I'm here reading and supporting and empathizing. Please keep updated anytime you have new information nor just nee to vent.

musicmakermomma said...

Oh honey - take some deep breaths and try not to lose it. Docs don't know everything, and how your body will handle things they can't know ahead. Make sure you are with the best high risk OB available.

I was told I'd never carry to term with 1/2 a uterus and I did, perfect pregnancy. So while you have a different situation, I was also told I should "electively miscarry" for my health; and my body rose to that challenge and carried our boy just fine. Thinking of you hon, good luck!~

Dora said...

Oh, no! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Get as many drs opinions as you need to help make this unimaginable decision.

WiseGuy said...

This is heart-wrenching. I don't know what to say. I am right here sweetie. Hugs.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I am just so sorry that you're going through this. Sending a hug.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm sorry, this is such a difficult place to be in.

I'll pray for wisdom and peace.

bbrsbaby said...

Here from lost and found. Sending a hug, what a hard and horrible place to be in.

I agree with the second opinion, there is no reason that you have to do anything right now, this second so I would seek out the advice of another ob, peri, surgeon, re, whoever to see what they think as well.

Hugs.

projectkjetil said...

My heart just hurts for you right now. Hoping that you find peace and strong support... whatever your decision. I wish there didn't have to be a decision.

Shinejil said...

I'm sorry you have this terrible dilemma to face, after all you've gone through. There is no need to blame yourself, whatever the outcome. You did what you could, what you thought best. That's all we can do.

Leah said...

Give it to God! What man says is impossible, God makes possible. God bless you.

Hillary said...

I am so very sorry for this difficult news. What a painful situation!! (((hugs))) (Here from LFCA)
makingmemom.blogspot.com

Cassandra said...

I am so sorry. I hope that the decision becomes easier (or ideally, moot) as you and the docs gather more information.

Take care.

Rachel said...

I'm sorry you're having to face this decision. Just cry out to God--He WILL hear you. I'm praying He will give you peace in the midst of this difficult time.

Stacie said...

I am so sorry that you are faced with this. I echo the suggestion to get as many opinions as possible. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Martha said...

Here from Lost and Found, I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

battynurse said...

I'm so sorry about the news. I hope that in the coming weeks you will be able to get some more information that will help somehow.

m said...

I am so, so sorry. I wish you didn't have to have these long conversations with your husband about this. I wish you didn't have to wait for multiple opinions from multiple doctors. I am so sad that you are in this place right now. I am here, reading, caring. Please, write when you want. Cry when you want. Know that people are here, ready to listen.

sprogblogger said...

I am so very sorry you're having to deal with this. No words to say how sorry.