A and J admiring the candy that we are going to GIVE to the trick-or-treaters...
Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Buzz, buzz, buzz
Well, it's been a long time since I have written anything on my blog, so I totally don't blame you for wondering if I'm alive or dead! It seems like things have and haven't changed here in my household. Not the least of things I have been dealing with is my anxiety. It seems to have been on overdrive lately. But, I hope that I'm getting that under control and moving forward! I have many things that I want to overshare with you, but thought I would leave you with a quick picture from this past Halloween. The actual trick-or-treating was moved due to a freak snowstorm here in the Northeast, so the boys went out on Sunday, November 6th. That was actually nice in a way, because it was a Sunday. It also made for funny trick-or-treating because many people were watching the Patriots-Giants football game. At first I thought everyone was just dressing up in Patriots uniforms, but by the 3rd house I realized that they were keen on telling me the score, because I was obviously being deprived of watching the game by taking my kids trick-or-treating! Pretty funny!!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The children are 2 and all is well...
Just a little note to tell you all is well. My parents have been visiting for 6 weeks and in June I went to my brother's wedding....and on July 12th the boys turned two. We are all good, if a little busy. Hopefully ill get my behind in gear sooner rather than later to post.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sometimes I just wonder why....
Does bad news come in threes?
First, my dear friend (and coworker) had her second IVF (1st FET). They transferred two very high quality embryos. Wonderfully, she found out she was pregnant. Only to find that BOTH the embryos were ectopic. Unbelievable. "Fortunately" they both resolved on their own.
Next, sweet Augusta had tragic news regarding what seemed to be such a promising pregnancy.
And now thirdly, another coworker has just informed my boss that her pregnancy of nearly 12 weeks has taken a tragic turn as well.
I hope the saying of bad news coming in threes is true, because I just don't think I can handle any more right now.
...sigh...
First, my dear friend (and coworker) had her second IVF (1st FET). They transferred two very high quality embryos. Wonderfully, she found out she was pregnant. Only to find that BOTH the embryos were ectopic. Unbelievable. "Fortunately" they both resolved on their own.
Next, sweet Augusta had tragic news regarding what seemed to be such a promising pregnancy.
And now thirdly, another coworker has just informed my boss that her pregnancy of nearly 12 weeks has taken a tragic turn as well.
I hope the saying of bad news coming in threes is true, because I just don't think I can handle any more right now.
...sigh...
Sunday, May 15, 2011
blog award!
I am happy to say that I am the recipient of a combo blog award from St. Elsewhere, who is awesome, and strong, and did I say awesome?
I am supposed to write a 10 bullet blurb about myself and then tag others. I am a little shy on the tagging, but I'll see what I an do.
Here it goes on my end:
1. I still wonder if I'll get pregnant "naturally." Even though I have endometriosis, my ovaries are stuck by adhesions to the back of my uterus and one of my fallopian tubes is "lost" in my intestinal mass. Oh, and I have cruddy eggs. Futile optimism. Go figure. Actually, I only wonder right about the time I get my period, so I don't have to wonder very long. :)
2. I am working on getting a new job, I just need to start contacting people and get myself out there. It will be nice to be leaving the academic world!
3. I eat uncooked pasta--as a snack. Macaroni, spaghetti, whatever. I have since I was a teenager. I am not sure why, but I noticed that I start to crave it when I become anemic. Perhaps it is because pasta is iron fortified? Not sure, but I'm crunching on some now. (And yes, my family things I AM nuts. And yes, I am anemic. And no, I CAN'T hear you over the crunching of the pasta)
4. I just learned you can make s'mores in the microwave. Not great for losing weight, but great as a snack! (and they taste better than uncooked pasta!)
5. I think as a general rule, cats should be able to roam outside. I am looking at my first "son", Max, here as I type. He was sickly as a kitten, but has been in great health ever since. He turned 15 this March. I attribute a lot of his health on his outside activity. I know that it exposes him to parasites, other animals and various other dangers. But, it also keeps his mind active, his weight healthy. I think of him going outside like me dining on delicious dinners. Sure, I could go on a calorie restriction diet and live another 15 years. Or I could eat moderately and enjoy those years. I choose to enjoy!
6. I am a World of Warcraft widow.
7. My favorite color oscillates between green and blue.
8. I am only at #8, and it is 11:30pm. I need to go to bed.
9. Speaking of, I have found that a "sleep routine" has just about saved me. I generally go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Even on the weekend. Now, I don't have bouts of falling asleep during seminars (unless they are very boring!)
10. Keeping a laptop on my tummy this long upsets my stomach :( BUT I ALWAYS SEEM TO DO IT!
Many thanks again to St. Elsewhere for giving me these lovely awards. I shall now award these to some other fantastic bloggers who I would like to know more about!
http://www.myfoxyfamily.com/
http://inconceivable-pofjourneytomotherhood.blogspot.com/
http://www.sprogblogger.com/
http://howtodanceintherain.blogspot.com/
http://allinonebasket-augusta.blogspot.com/
Oh, and if you don't read Jen at Maybe if you Just relax. Perhaps you should check her out. She is an awesome woman and wickedly funny. Some of her friends are putting together a fund to help her family out (she has a 2yo daughter, and recently twins. One of which tragically was born still, while the other is putting up an astounding fight in the NICU). She is an amazing woman who would never ask for help, but could use it.
I am supposed to write a 10 bullet blurb about myself and then tag others. I am a little shy on the tagging, but I'll see what I an do.Here it goes on my end:
1. I still wonder if I'll get pregnant "naturally." Even though I have endometriosis, my ovaries are stuck by adhesions to the back of my uterus and one of my fallopian tubes is "lost" in my intestinal mass. Oh, and I have cruddy eggs. Futile optimism. Go figure. Actually, I only wonder right about the time I get my period, so I don't have to wonder very long. :)
2. I am working on getting a new job, I just need to start contacting people and get myself out there. It will be nice to be leaving the academic world!
3. I eat uncooked pasta--as a snack. Macaroni, spaghetti, whatever. I have since I was a teenager. I am not sure why, but I noticed that I start to crave it when I become anemic. Perhaps it is because pasta is iron fortified? Not sure, but I'm crunching on some now. (And yes, my family things I AM nuts. And yes, I am anemic. And no, I CAN'T hear you over the crunching of the pasta)
4. I just learned you can make s'mores in the microwave. Not great for losing weight, but great as a snack! (and they taste better than uncooked pasta!)
5. I think as a general rule, cats should be able to roam outside. I am looking at my first "son", Max, here as I type. He was sickly as a kitten, but has been in great health ever since. He turned 15 this March. I attribute a lot of his health on his outside activity. I know that it exposes him to parasites, other animals and various other dangers. But, it also keeps his mind active, his weight healthy. I think of him going outside like me dining on delicious dinners. Sure, I could go on a calorie restriction diet and live another 15 years. Or I could eat moderately and enjoy those years. I choose to enjoy!
6. I am a World of Warcraft widow.
7. My favorite color oscillates between green and blue.
8. I am only at #8, and it is 11:30pm. I need to go to bed.
9. Speaking of, I have found that a "sleep routine" has just about saved me. I generally go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Even on the weekend. Now, I don't have bouts of falling asleep during seminars (unless they are very boring!)
10. Keeping a laptop on my tummy this long upsets my stomach :( BUT I ALWAYS SEEM TO DO IT!
Many thanks again to St. Elsewhere for giving me these lovely awards. I shall now award these to some other fantastic bloggers who I would like to know more about!
http://www.myfoxyfamily.com/
http://inconceivable-pofjourneytomotherhood.blogspot.com/
http://www.sprogblogger.com/
http://howtodanceintherain.blogspot.com/
http://allinonebasket-augusta.blogspot.com/
Oh, and if you don't read Jen at Maybe if you Just relax. Perhaps you should check her out. She is an awesome woman and wickedly funny. Some of her friends are putting together a fund to help her family out (she has a 2yo daughter, and recently twins. One of which tragically was born still, while the other is putting up an astounding fight in the NICU). She is an amazing woman who would never ask for help, but could use it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thoughts during a DE pregnancy
I think that it must be odd for any one who is pregnant--knowing that there is a small human growing inside your belly. I know it was true for me. Being pregnant was a surreal experience for me. Something that I loved, and yet was so fearful of enjoying.
After so many tries with my own eggs and with nothing to show for it. I was completely taken aback when we found out we were pregnant. It was when things were quiet that I would let my mind drift to what these boys would be like when they entered the world.
And I'll be honest. Some of the things that seemed merely academic when DH and I were discussing DE, were a little more painful when I was pregnant. A little more real.
Ol' blue eyes.
I think that it is normal to dream what your kids will look like. At least I imagined that it was. There, in front of the fire, dreamily knitting the baby booties. It is strange when you know going into it that your child won't have your hair, won't have your smile, won't have your laugh. Again, I KNEW that going into DE. I researched it. I spoke with counselors. But it was still there. As overjoyed that I was that I was pregnant. It was still there.
Because we were very interested in finding a donor who was willing to meet with the kids when they got older, we were willing to be more 'relaxed' in other areas, such as physical characteristics. While dark hair and fair skin were requirements, I didn't think too much about other attributes, such as eye color. After we got pregnant, I had this small nagging voice in the back of my head......'your children will have blue eyes.' See, I have very dark brown eyes. I come from a family with mostly brown eyes. My husband, however, has lovely blue eyes. The donor? Blue eyes.
And Blue eyes + blue eyes = blue eyes.
Although I would never would have admitted it to anyone at the time, there were moments in between all the joy of actually being pregnant of sadness of my loss of a genetic connection with my kids.
Independent people.
When I would feel sombered by this I would remind myself of....well....me. I would think of myself and say, "I'm a completely independent person from my mother, from my father. As much as I am like them, I am a completely independent person. I make my own choices, I have my own likes and dislikes." As rudimentary as that sounds, sometimes it was a revelation to me. I was my own person. And my children were going to be themselves. There was no guarantee if my husband and I were to have our own genetic children that they would be anything like us. They may love to play football, abhor school, hate art and music, detest science. Although they would share our genes, they were going to their own independent units. And wasn't that what we were hoping for anyway? Didn't we want to raise children who were self-assured. Who knew their own likes and dislikes? Who could make decisions independent of us, their parents?
The answer, of course, was (and still is) yes.
That, in the end, made my pregnancy easier. When those twinges of sadness would arise, it was this that I would focus on.
Coming next....thoughts on DE after having the twins...
After so many tries with my own eggs and with nothing to show for it. I was completely taken aback when we found out we were pregnant. It was when things were quiet that I would let my mind drift to what these boys would be like when they entered the world.
And I'll be honest. Some of the things that seemed merely academic when DH and I were discussing DE, were a little more painful when I was pregnant. A little more real.
Ol' blue eyes.
I think that it is normal to dream what your kids will look like. At least I imagined that it was. There, in front of the fire, dreamily knitting the baby booties. It is strange when you know going into it that your child won't have your hair, won't have your smile, won't have your laugh. Again, I KNEW that going into DE. I researched it. I spoke with counselors. But it was still there. As overjoyed that I was that I was pregnant. It was still there.
Because we were very interested in finding a donor who was willing to meet with the kids when they got older, we were willing to be more 'relaxed' in other areas, such as physical characteristics. While dark hair and fair skin were requirements, I didn't think too much about other attributes, such as eye color. After we got pregnant, I had this small nagging voice in the back of my head......'your children will have blue eyes.' See, I have very dark brown eyes. I come from a family with mostly brown eyes. My husband, however, has lovely blue eyes. The donor? Blue eyes.
And Blue eyes + blue eyes = blue eyes.
Although I would never would have admitted it to anyone at the time, there were moments in between all the joy of actually being pregnant of sadness of my loss of a genetic connection with my kids.
Independent people.
When I would feel sombered by this I would remind myself of....well....me. I would think of myself and say, "I'm a completely independent person from my mother, from my father. As much as I am like them, I am a completely independent person. I make my own choices, I have my own likes and dislikes." As rudimentary as that sounds, sometimes it was a revelation to me. I was my own person. And my children were going to be themselves. There was no guarantee if my husband and I were to have our own genetic children that they would be anything like us. They may love to play football, abhor school, hate art and music, detest science. Although they would share our genes, they were going to their own independent units. And wasn't that what we were hoping for anyway? Didn't we want to raise children who were self-assured. Who knew their own likes and dislikes? Who could make decisions independent of us, their parents?
The answer, of course, was (and still is) yes.
That, in the end, made my pregnancy easier. When those twinges of sadness would arise, it was this that I would focus on.
Coming next....thoughts on DE after having the twins...
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