Cycle update...good news?

Our donor, I need to give her a name, let's say Reese, went in to our clinic and had bloodwork and an ultrasound done today. Anxiously waiting the news, but knowing that it was too early for any real news, I jumped when my cell phone rang. The nurse at our RE practice, Kathy, was asking if I was in a place where I could "talk freely". I have always kind of liked that phrase that the RE's office uses "talk freely", it makes me feel like I'm kind of a spy rather than a medically challenged person who shouldn't be talking about her vajay-jay with her co-workers around. But I digress....

The news was good, I think. Reese has already greatly stimulated: she had 14 countable follicles. Yes, fourteen follicles on day SIX of stims. And not just tiny follicles either, her largest is at 32mm. Our nurse says that the protocol is to "trigger" (have her take the HCG shot to mature the eggs) when at least one of the eggs is at 36mm. And that could be TOMORROW. The nurse actually congratulated ME.

She was probably trying to fill in the void of empty space that was on the phone line, because I was completely at a loss for words.

And after the phone call I almost started crying.

• Crying because we are actually reaching another hurtle.
• Crying because this wonderful woman can produce more follicles in 6 days than I could in 3 entire cycles.
• Crying because I don't know if stimulating that fast gives viable eggs.
• Crying because I for the first time in a long time I have hope. Such fragile hope. And I am afraid that we will again come so close and yet meet another unpleasant end.

And how sick am I? My first thought on the phone with the nurse was "No, don't trigger her yet. We need more eggs. Like 24. Twenty-four is a good number right?? Just give her a few more days. Who knows if these eggs are viable. We need more in case this time it doesn't work. I can't go through this again. " Desperation is an unpleasant cologne indeed.

Please don't misunderstand me. I ABSOLUTELY do not want our donor to overstimulate. OHSS sounds horrible and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Least of all a woman who has generously donate a part of herself to help us. I just want....our child. Our children. Our success story. Our family.

And now that I am home, I think I am going to go ahead and let myself cry.