So....this are moving smoothly in the Hope Springs Infertile household. A little TOO smoothly.
We are smack in the middle of our first (and only??) Donor Egg cycle (IVF #4). My hormones are sufficiently suppressed and my estradiol count sufficiently is elevated. The donor has started on her lupron, quit her birth control and is waiting for her period. She should get her period any day now (predicted to be Nov 2). When she does, she will go in for a baseline and the process will move to "THE STIMULATION PHASE." (This should be said with a deep and dramatic voice).
Besides the fact that for most of last week I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, things are indeed going smoothly. I do try to take it one day at a time. One hurtle at a time. I am, though, nervously looking ahead. Not to a pregancy or a baby, but to viable eggs. Something of which I know little about.
When my husband and I started considering DE a year ago after my 3rd failed IVF (the second in which I had failed to even stimulate), we had a lot of long, heavy conversations. We moved from the initial "Should we try again hoping for our own eggs? How do you feel about the baby being genetically related to only one of us?" to "Are we going to tell our parents? Our (potential) kids?" We decided yes to both questions, because we wanted there to be no secrets to how our children were conceived. Now, in the parents/other relatives department, don't get me wrong. We haven't told everyone, just close family. We also just update them with the facts, not too much info, as this is obviously a very personal decision.
One thing that we did decide on was that we would let our potential kids know of their origins. That we wanted to have children very much and needed to use another woman's eggs in order to do so. We didn't want to turn this into a large family secret. The gorilla in the room, as it were. We both remember the struggle to find out who we really "were" when we were growing up, and although using DE adds a layer of complexity for them, we didn't want it to seem 'bad.' We don't want to make it a taboo subject in our home. That may make it more uncomfortable for us, but we think it will be best for them. That means that they are going to have a lot of questions. And we would like to have a least some of the answers.
That is why we want to meet our donor. We didn't have any friends or family who could donate for us, so our donor is virtually anonymous to us, save for her profile that we looked at 6 months ago. Although we know what we read, we want to tell our kids that we spoke to her, asked her some questions, etc.
Now the time has come. We are moving onto THE STIMULATION PHASE. If there were ever a time to meet her, now is it. We have a date and a time: next Sunday, Nov 9 at 1pm.
And I am really scared.
Of what, I'm not sure.
And I cannot think of a single thing to ask her.
My husband appears quite comfortable. I asked him if he would tell me what he was going to ask her, but he is being a bit coy. I think that he doesn't want me to steal his questions. :)
I feel as though any thing I might ask is going to come out sounding dumb, or worse, invasive. My mind is in a total fog.
I think some of my fear in meeting her is that all of this will become real. Really. Really. Real. We really could get pregnant. We really could have a baby. Or we really could have yet another disappointment.
Does any one have any suggestions on what you would want to know if you were told you were born of donor eggs?