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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Two

Weee'reeeeeee baaaaaaaaccckk.

As you can probably tell from the title, we transferred two embryos. Both were 8 cell, but we didn't get a grade, per se, on them.

Unfortunately, the point of contention between my Hubby and I reared its ugly head at the clinic.

I should probably give an abridged backstory.

So, in March of this year I had my second uterine surgery. Now, this Dr. (Dr. S) is really a talented surgeon, working with the latest equipment in the field. He, I think, also blows stuff out of his ass when talking with you. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but here are a few things that have happened that make me doubt that he is always 100% certain on his decisions/follow through.

Point 1) On this last surgery, we had discussed removing a fallopian tube. It tends to get full of menstrual fluid and get painful. The doctor wrote this down on his notes to enter into the computer. On the day of the surgery, I could not discuss anything with him, because HE DID NOT ACTUALLY MEET WITH ME, just his assistant surgeons. I assumed I was going to speak with him, so I didn't bring up the fallopian tube matter. Then again, I thought, why should I? It was clearly written in his notes anyway. After surgery? Still had the fallopian tube. Still causes me occasional pain.

Point 2) When he saw me for the post surgical followup in his office, he couldn't remember how long it had been since I had actually HAD the surgery, even though it was written on the paper in front of him. When I asked him if he actually entered the uterine cavity itself during the surgery, he initially said no. But then he read his surgical summary, which he gave to me, and said, "Oh wait, yes I did." Now, I understand that he is very busy, but..... our conversation then followed about the type of shoes that I was wearing and how he would like to get a pair like that for one of his daughters. Thanks. During the same visit, he said that because of the surgeries, I should deliver at 36 weeks and undergo a C-section. Information that would have been nice to have before we had the procedure.

Point 3) During this same visit, he gave me a date for when we could start IVF. I then told him, "Oh, after the surgery you suggested that we wait an extra 4 weeks." His response, "Oh, did I say that? Then do that." Thanks.

So, unless he has written down something in stone, I don't actually believe that it is 100% medically necessary.

Hubby's point: Dr. S clearly said after my last surgery that we should not carry twins because of the increased risk of uterine failure.

So, during the time when we contacted the donor agency and when the donor was getting ready, we had a few discussions with our family. I said the clinic would let us know their recommendation for transfer, he said "we already know their recommendation, one."

Hubby wanted clarification on the subject. Even a sit-down meeting with our Dr. or with Dr. S. I agreed, but said that he should call our Dr.'s nurse and ask if it was in the medical records, because then it would take care of the whole decision-making process on our part. When he spoke to the nurse, she said that all of this would be discussed with us at the time of transfer. Hubby felt better. I felt better.

Today the transfer Dr. said, "given our calculations...blah, blah, blah...we recommend transferring two embryos." Hubby's eyes squinted, his face contorted slightly.

"Dr. S told us that she was not allowed to carry twins. That should be in the medical record. Is it there?"

*Dumbfounded look by Dr. Transfer.* "Well, I haven't read through all the medical history, but.....you can always just transfer one."

Me: "Ok, what are the chances of twins from transferring two donor egg embryos?'

Dr. Transfer: "Well, there is a 50-60% chance of pregnancy with donor embryos when you transfer two. And if you do get pregant, a 20% chance of having twins. But, as I said, you can still just transfer one embryo. There are pros and cons to that. For example, you chances of pregnancy are lower, but you chances of a singleton resulting from that pregnancy are higher....blah, blah, blah."

Hubby: "But the point was that we didn't want to have to choose. Dr. S said that she should not carry twins, why are we given the choice to transfer two?'

I interject: "Can we have a few minutes?"

A discussion ensues between hubby and I about the number to transfer. His take: "you cannot carry twins; if you get pregnant with twins, we may have to go for a fetal reduction. Are you prepared to do that?"

Me: "No. But I don't believe Dr. S; I think that we would probably have a high risk pregnancy if we had twins, but I don't think that it would come d0wn to a fetal reduction."

This goes on back and forth for a few minutes. Hubby plays the odds in his head. "Well....the chance of you actually becoming pregnant with twins is relatively low, all things considered. And we have terrible luck in betting (we like to play online [free] card games and stuff--that way when we lose a lot of "money" we don't care). So....."

Me: "So, we will transfer two and leave it in God's hands?"

Hubby: "Sure. It is in His hands anyway."

Dr. Transfer comes back in. "So, I was reading through the medical record and Dr. S only says that you should deliver at 36 weeks. There is no mention of not carrying twins."

"Then two," I say.

And that was it.



But.........now I feel a little queasy. I hate it when my hubby and I have such fundamental differences on issues. Normally, one of us is convinced by the other's argument. Or one just gives in. Now I feel strangely guilty about the whole thing. Kind of like I twisted his arm into having two transferred, and if anything gets messy later on, it is definitely going to be my fault. Because, the reality is, we will probably have embryos to freeze, meaning that we have a "second chance" later.

Of course, I'm completely dealing in hypotheticals here. I am not even pregnant yet.

And whilst I fret and worry on the couch here? Hubby has gone back to bed. And what is infuriating is that I KNOW that now that the decision has been made, he is fine with it. We will just deal with the outcome. I, however, continue to twist in the wind.

I think, rather, I should be focusing more on my 50-60 % chance of pregnancy at all, rather than multiples....and that I should take a nap :)

5 comments:

Jojobee said...

I'm glad transfer went well and that you transferred 2... You're right, it is up to God, He will decide. If you become pregnant with twins, then it was His plan... Don't fret. Sounds like Dr. S is really, I don't want to be rude, but incompetent. I've dealt with one of those in the past and had unnecessary surgery as a result... *Sigh* I wouldn't believe him either... Just relax, nap, have some good food and try not to worry these next few weeks.
Hugs and prayers

Dora said...

Ugh! Dr. S. would make me batshit. Read the f*#king chart!

Oh, and fretting and worrying is a symptom of the 2WW. Perfectly normal.

Peeveme said...

Good luck with everything. I wish I were like my Dh and your DH....do not worry after the fact. That seems to be when I start to worry the most.

musicmakermomma said...

Yay! You are PUPO! And I hope you are reveling in that fact. Don't feel like you manipulated anything - it is your body that has to go through all this, and your chances of getting pg at ALL are much better with transferring two. The chance of twins is very small. So I'm really hoping it all works out for you! Try to be as healthy as you can for the next couple weeks, everything else is in God's capable hands.

Kami said...

Good luck! I think you should let it go too . . . wait until you have two viable babies before you were too much.